Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The First Day that Wasn't

Today Booberry was supposed to have her First Day of School (daycare).  But she didn’t.

I used to teach all day errrrrry day and make no money but my time was mine. 

I did the math.  If I worked full time now and put Boo in full time day care…at the end of the year…I’d bring home…$6,000.  Woo.  Granted I’m not the only income…but for the sake of math we don’t count Doctor. 

Now I teach after school classes.  Only one class an afternoon.  But paying a sitter for the time I’m there and the time I’m rushing to and from there was getting difficult.  So she was to start part time day care.

But my class got cancelled today.  I’ll teach another day, sure, but this one hit me hard. 

She was dressed.  We’d taken pictures just like every other parent on facebook.  And it was cancelled.

I can barely justify spending $35 on an afternoon of daycare in which time I only make $25 (BEFORE taxes).  I can not justify spending $35 on an afternoon in which I have nothing to do.  So she will start daycare another day.  The amazing daycare is cool with it. 

I was not cool with it.

So I watched Wild and ate ice cream while Booberry napped in her own bed.

Why did I watch that movie?  It contains (SPOILER ALERT):
-          Dead horse
-          Dead mom
-          Hiking.

I hate all those things.  But it did contain:
-          Oregon
-          Feeling sorry for yourself.

I always like Oregon and, today, I liked feeling sorry for myself, too.

You may be thinking, why are you feeling sorry for yourself? You can stay home with super cute and funny Booberry and not be destitute and also watch tv and eat ice cream in the middle of day in your sweats.

But I wanted to go out and do something that looks good on paper and is also fun and requires real pants.  I know, I know, I hate real pants.  But I like being able to tell people I DO something besides sing the Elmo Song while I change diapers.  Granted, the something I do when I’m working is sing “Do Re Mi” and pretend to be flowers and stuff.  But they PAY me, so it’s WORK. 

I know, I know, I’m tutoring tonight and have a class to teach on Friday and start my next term of my Saturday gig on this Saturday.  I have WORK.

It’s just the first day of school.  Earlier today, I was crying about taking her.  I was crying picturing her crying as I left her there. I was crying picturing her not crying at all when I left her there.  I was crying imagining them telling me she can’t come back after the first day because she pulled everyone’s hair (could happen).  I wanted her to have a little school. 

And I miss my own first days of school.  I always wore blue because my mom told me blue made a good, neutral first impression.  I was always nervous.  I always knew which kids were going to be awful and I never knew which ones would be perfect because you don’t usually notice those on the first day.  I was always sweaty and uncomfortable and exhausted. 

This is better.  Little Booberry hugs are better.  Sweat pants are better…ice cream isn’t the worst.    She’ll have her real first day soon.  She didn’t know what she was missing today.  And then she’ll go to kindergarden someday and I’ll LOSE MY SHIT.  I’ll miss days like this.  

It’s beautiful outside. 

Maybe we will even go for a little hike this afternoon.  Stupid hiking.

1 comment:

  1. Fun isn't it? Mostly. It's for those moments. Smile.