Take Care of Yourself: Part 3

In Part 1 we learned about how I'm an old lady and my hip hurts. In Part 2 we learned that I'm an old lady with grey hair except now I have fulfilled my haircut destiny and look like Rapunzel at the end of the movie:

Except older.

Welcome to Part 3 in which we learn HOW TO EXERCISE!

Turns out exercise is important. If we don't exercise we can't lift stuff like three year olds. And we get winded carrying a 26 lb 18 month old up a flight of stairs. And generally we just feel like Cogsworth:

Flabby, fat, and lazy.

Can you tell we watch a lot of Disney around here?

SO! I'm gonna EXERCISE!

STEP 1: Make time

1. Turns out in 2014 I bought 20 hours of daycare at the community center and didn't use it because: A) certain individuals didn't love the daycare
B) certain other individuals read the schedule wrong and could never figure out when to drop her off when a class she wanted to take was also happening
C) certain same individuals forgot completely.
So I put an event in my google calendar to use up the remaining 8 hours of daycare over the next few weeks and the children will have to DEAL! Also I'll take them to the indoor park after.

2. Put a note in my calendar to try that class on Thursday afternoons I've been wanting to try for three years and to do an online workout on Tuesday afternoons.

STEP 2: Move that body!

1. Due to all the missed connections in Parts 1 and 2, I have yet to make it to the gym in person but I DID purchase four barre DVDs on cyber Monday and have been trying them out during "free time."

2. Because of my broken hip (disclaimer: not broken), I SUCK at exercise. And because of my broken abs (also not broken) my core is super mega weak. Turns out having two 9+ lb infants surgically removed in quick succession can mess up your body. So I quickly had to step it waaaaaay back from my fitness plan post baby #1: baby boot camp.

SIDE NOTE ON BABY BOOT CAMP: Some people LOOOOOVE IT. Some people find it to be a fantastic community of like-minded moms and great opportunity to have their children learn how important fitness is.

I did not.

I found it to be...let's just say not my people. The particular class I took was in a wealthy suburb and was during the weekday so it was full of SAHM (learn your acronyms) and we just didn't have much in common though they were totally nice.  Mostly though, my daughter HATED being stuck in a stroller while I did squats IN VIEW OF THE PLAYGROUND. I have to hand it to her, that one makes sense. The other main reason that class didn't work for me is it broke my foot. Ok it didn't DIRECTLY break my foot. And it didn't ACTUALLY break my foot. But I did get a stress fracture from trying to keep up with the other moms. So I quit. And got pregnant again. Not related events.

Back to the present.

STEP 3: Move that body! Slowly! In a way that's safe for YOU!

1. Still working on this one. It's hard to do PT exercises and feel my limits and see that they are significant. I'm not the young, spry 20 something of yesteryear. I'm THIRTY SOMETHING. (32). Also I ignored myself so long and so hard that now I have to start over.

2. So I'm going to TRY to go easy on myself. But not so easy I do nothing.

WORK IN PROGRESS.

Take Care of Yourself! Part 2

Ok so the stunning details of PART 1 chronicled my attempts to be a grown-up through medical care.

NOW! CUE MAKEOVER MONTAGE!

Ok don't get too excited.

Let's just dye my hair. And cut it. That's easy, right?

NOPE.

STEP 1: Schedule that shit!

1. I scheduled my hair cut weeks in advance.

STEP 2: CUT THAT HAIR!

1. It is the day of my haircut.
2. I showed up to my appointment after telling everyone and their mom I was GETTING A HAIRCUT TODAY!
3. My stylist didn't SHOW!
4. Turns out she'd written the wrong date down and wasn't even at the salon.
5. In a rage, I schedule another appointment with a new stylist.
6. I show up to the new appointment and sit down and start telling her all I want to do when she interrupts me to tell me she only scheduled me for a cut, not a cut and color and that she only has time to do the cut. I spin in my head! How dare she mess this up! I am pretty FUCKING SURE I TOLD HER! But also, shouldn't she confirm that because I'm a woman scheduling an appointment in the middle of the weekday. Chances are I have grey hair!
7. I leave the appointment because I don't want half a haircut. Later that day is when my doctor no-showed me and I feel as if I have upset my karma somehow or perhaps was cursed by someone...I burn some sage (I do not.)
8. I feel super mega guilty and also embarrassed because I'm sure I came off in not my best light by nearly crying and then skulking out of the salon.
9. My original stylist has been texting me, feeling really bad about messing up so I give her another shot.
10. The night before my new appointment, my daughter seems like maybe she's getting sick. I put her to bed and bemoan how I'm probably not going to get a haircut.
11. In the morning, she's fine. Back to normal (kinda...she's very...unique)
12. Send her to school! Go to work! GO TO MY HAIRCUT!
13. GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT
14. As I pay for my haircut, a text comes in. My daughter spiked a fever at school and I need to go fetch her.
15. SURE NO PROBLEM BECAUSE I HAVE FRESH HAIIIIIIRS!

OMG YAAAAAY SUCESSSSSSSSSS

Was that so hard? Yeah. Kinda was.

Take Care of Yourself! Part 1

Self- care. Seems so easy. Be selfish. Take care! It's our biological imperative to protect our bodies from harm.

YET!

I keep hurting myself because I'm keeping the boy from leaping to his death from arms. Or he's insisting on being held but also not holding on. Or the girl wants to forgot where she exists in space and decides to become a mass of flailing legs.

OR

I keep doing chores instead of exercise.

OR

I keep eating toddler leftovers instead of real food.

AND

I still don't get to sleep through the night.

AND

I wear active wear always.

SO AS A RESULT:

I am a mess.

A MESS!

A big ole slobby, gray haired, scraggly, poorly nourished, bags under my eyes, walking funny because of injury, out of shape, MESS.

So I made a plan. I am going to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, damnit! It's the least I can do!

STEP ONE: Make time.

OK done. I freed up my afternoons on the days the kids go to daycare and I'm gonna TAKE CARE OF MYSELF (Tuesdays and Thursdays for three hours. When the chores are done. If I don't have something else to do. If school is in session).

STEP TWO: Schedule some shit!

1. Go to the fucking doctor and figure out why my hip hurts all the time,
2. Doctor sends me to PT
3. Go to PT for two months.
4. At the end of two months, the PT says, "We don't know what's wrong with you but it's getting worse. Go to your doctor."
5. Go to the fucking doctor except now I have to get a new doctor because my old doctor doesn't work during my three hours of alone time.
6. Get new doctor who refers me to a Sports Therapy Doctor.
7. Go to fucking sports therapy appointment.
8. Doctor runs so late I have to leave to pick up my kids.
9.  Get a new sports therapy doctor.
10. Office calls to tell me this doctor is not in my insurance network.
11. Get new FUCKING DOCTOR.
12. Go to doctor. I KID YOU NOT. On the way to the appointment I GET HIT BY A CAR! But it was very minor and left no damage and it was fine and I was still on time. But it seemed symbolically significant.
13. Doctor pokes me in the hip and says, "Yeah there's a couple of things going on here."
14. X-rays hip
15. Doctor says, "Your X-ray looks good. Which means I don't know what it is yet. Let's INJECT YOU WITH STEROIDS!"

Ok this is as far as I've gotten so far because I'm exhausted and waiting to schedule my injection. I could have gone today but then I'd have to bring my whole "team" and I think doctor's offices are traumatic enough for them without them having to witness this:

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2