Thursday, May 7, 2015

Questions During the Non-Nap

            Yesterday afternoon, Booberry didn’t want to nap anywhere but on me.  She wanted chest to chest and face to face contact.  Then she gave up on the idea of sleeping all together and decided she wanted to stare deep into my eyes.  Unable to turn on my phone for fear of her eyes being drawn to the evil and unholy screen, I stared back.  Her eyes, by the light of day blue pools of mirth, were solid black orbs of nothingness.  She was basically asleep with her eyes open.  So I held her for a while.  Soon she did close her eyes.  I tried to put her down, but she had none of it, so we had a little staring contest.  And I began to question…

Why do I want to escape this perfect little creature so badly right now?  Oh yeah…work.

Why won’t she sleep on her own today?

This is the second morning she’s woken up in her own poop.  Have I trained her to shit herself whenever she wants attention?

When she’s a teenager, what will she look like?

What if I have to take her to the gynecologist when she’s 16 because she needs birth control?

Does she like mac and cheese so much because I ate too much of it when I was pregnant?  Or is mac and cheese just universally good?

Did letting her watch 15 minutes of Sesame Street turn her into a sociopath who will never be able to connect with others on a social level?

Am I failing as a parent?

Is someone going to come take her away forever because I’m screwing her up and just am too ignorant to know it?

Does it actually hurt her when I wipe oatmeal off her face?  She cries like it does. 

Isn’t this better than getting stuff done?

What’s for dinner?

Did they put makeup on the royal baby to make her skin look better or do princesses not get baby acne?

Should I get a zoo membership?  Yes.

If I fall asleep here, will my arms relax, causing her to plummet to the floor?

Oh!  Her eyes are closed.  How long will she sleep like this?

And then she woke up.  

We looked just like this.  I like to wear all white around the house so I can better tell how clean it is.  And I like to match my baby to my decor.