Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Crazy Things I Did Today:

1.  PUKED.  If you anything about me, you probably have heard me discuss how I DO NOT THROW UP!  I do not do it.  And don't try to tell me I'll feel better when I throw up.  That is a lie you tell yourself.  You feel TERRIBLE the moment before you throw up, so OF COURSE you feel better after you throw up. But throwing up is NOT NORMAL. So I don't do it.   Times I've thrown up:

1.  Today: I'm supposed to be OVER the whole morning sickness business.  But no.  Apparently the bite of English muffin put me over the edge.  The Doctor dutifully did dishes for me as I sat shaking at the kitchen table afterward.  I love him.  Then he said to me, "Vomit free since...right now."  Which made me feel a sense of shame my psychologist mother-in-law says is not normal.  She says I should throw up more often to get over my phobia.  No thank you, Doctor Mom-in-Law.
2.  August 11th.  Also morning sickness.  I'm not going to go into it...but The Doctor had been in there directly before me.  And that...was not cool.
3.  Post tequila hangover of 2010.
4.  Accidental topical Benadryl overdose of 2006 (IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU)
5.  Migraine of 1997 (toast does not cure migraines...)
6.  Stomach flu of 1989 (I was four).

Before that I was pretty much a toddler and it doesn't count.

2.  Went to water aerobics.  My beautiful new gym has a phenomenal pool which has a WATER SLIDE (which I can't use) and a HOT TUB (which I can't use) and prenatal water aerobics classes.  Turns out it's prenatal and...elderly water aerobics.  The class had three preggos in there including me.  The other two women were exactly nine months pregnant and were friends.  So they weren't very friendly.  It's fine.  I'll be a mean mom someday and will have the power to exclude the random chick who doesn't even look pregnant, she just looks like she ate a big Thanksgiving dinner (which, as mentioned, I did NOT).  There were five elderly ladies also in attendance and I KID YOU NOT, four were wearing the same swim suit.  I tried to find a picture but they all made me feel dirty.  Was it exercise?  Sure, anything in a pool for an hour is exercise.  Was it aerobic?  NO.  Will I go back?  Yeah.  I need to be forced by peer pressure to stay at the gym when I could be sleeping.

3.  Ate a whole box of mac and cheese.  Breakfast of champions.

4.  Loudly, in my house alone, yelled, "OH YEAH" like the Kool Aid man when I saw that Amazon auto delivered the new Maggie Stiefvater book to my kindle.

Maggie is just that good.  Check her out.

5.  Said to Catdome, "OH NO!  You WILL NOT step on Booberry!"  Because he insists on touching me all the time and really likes to step on my uterus to show his love.

6.  Saw two minutes of How I Met Your Mother and cried like little bitch.  Have I seen the ep before?  Yes.  Do I know that Marshall and Lily get back together, get married, and have a baby?  Yes.  This is what got me:
Don't ever get me started on that one Futurama episode...

And it's only mid-day!

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