Judging Moms on the Farm Field Trip

Therapist: When was the last time you had fun with your two year old?
Me: (sobbing) I don't even know!

This was a week ago, after I left a play place crying, football carrying my son, who was being aggressive toward other kids who wanted to play with a toy he coveted.

Today, I had fun with my two year old.

I had the opportunity to take him to a farm with some buddies on a perfect, crisp but warm, fall Oregon morning while his sister was at preschool.

We picked apples and pears, we rode in a wagon, we got mini-pumpkins, we saw some farm animals, and he played on a huge hay slide.

For the sake of the story I will describe the play structure. It was a tower of hay with a wooden house at the top from which a plastic slide came down to the ground.

While playing on the play structure, we became encircled by a group of preschoolers on a field trip. They had on matching shirts that designated them from a wealthier suburban area. I would have known we were in the midst of a wealthier suburban preschool crowd by the moms.

I'm not going to pretend I'm well-evolved enough not to judge other moms. I am SUPER JUDGY. (ESFJ!!) I will judge you if you:

- don't vaccinate
- think your child is perfect
- have unsecured firearms in your house
- judge me

So let me just jump right in and paint a little picture. Every mom was white (but, you're white, you say. I KNOW! I got sunburned today! I'm juuuust saying this entire preschool was white). The overall appearance was that each woman jumped off a Pinterest board entitled "Fall Fashion Favorites." They had cute boot wedges. They had canvas coats. They had dark-wash skinny jeans. They had their hair "done" and they were standing, chatting, in a circle, while the children went completely bonkers all over this hay slide thing.

I'm not saying I'm judging them for their clothes. They were darned cute. They were #momfashiongoals. I'M JUST PAINTING HERE!

For contrast, I wasn't in sweats, per se. I had on leggings (as pants), red Hunter boots, a tunic, and a sweater. Only my sunglasses and bra were from Target. It was an acceptable outfit. But it was dirty at this point in the morning from playing with my child. These women's outfits are adorable, but they seem to symbolize the amount of hands-on involvement these women would be willing to have with their kids.

They were chit-chatting about financial goals behind me.

No one was paying too much attention to my kid and his friend who were yelling "CHICKEN" at a nearby chicken. But they occasionally shot me glances that seemed to say, "Aren't you going to tell them to stop verbally abusing that chicken?" I politely asked my group to stop yelling at the chicken and they went to play on the hay thing,

On the hay thing was a child on the field trip who was winning the gold metal for "Kid Going Totally Insane on a Field Trip!" He was all limbs. He was all loud. He was a cute Dennis-the-Menace of "dis-regulation." We're gonna call him Golden Boy. Or Gold. Or Goldie.

I'm not judging this kid. I've had this kid. Lots. Lack of structure + my child = chaos.

And his little friend in the striped shirt was going for silver with the insanity.

I see my two-year-old go into the little playhouse at the top of the hay. I see Gold and Silver go in after him, totally hyperactive and out of their minds, drunk on the freedom of being out of doors. I see these kids are in my kid's FACE. I see half the preschool crowd into this three by five little playhouse. And I see Gold come out crying.

This part of the field trip is wrapping up at this point and the moms are herding the preschoolers away from the hay thing.

As they leave, a very beautiful woman says to me, "That little kid? There?" (points at my two year old) "He's yours, right? Just so you know, he punched that kid (points after Goldie) right in the face."

I say, "Oh. Ok. Thank you." as she walks away. And then to my friend, I say, "I'll just go ground my two-year-old to teach him a lesson."

Because.  What. Am I supposed to do with that, lady?

Should I tell her he has some sensory sensitivities such as loud noises or people getting in his face?

Should I show her my receipts from the therapist, who told me to do something low-key outside with my two-year-old to see if we can have fun together and, if possible, take a video if he gets aggressive with anyone?

Should I point out that the injured party, Golden Boy, is probably four years old, a foot taller, ten pounds heavier, and was taunting my two-year-old, but that, hey, I'm working on getting my toddler to use his words?

Should have her fetch Goldie and force an apology out of my not-remorseful toddler? Should we role play until my kid says, "Excuse me good sir, would you please give me an acceptable personal bubble? I'm hitting my emotional limit."

Should I tell her that my kid has a black-eye right now, yes, but not because he's a mean kid or because someone is teaching him to be mean by beating him up but that he fell and bonked it last weekend?

No. Because she just wanted me to feel bad and then she left with the preschoolers, not giving me a chance to make an excuse, apology, or, oops, throw it back on her.

So, yes, fancy preschool moms, I'm gonna judge you,

Because aren't we all doing the best we can? Are your children, who, for whatever reason, felt like they needed to put my baby in a corner, so perfect? Did I chastise you for your "bully?" No. Because Golden Boy is not a bully. He's maybe a little out of sorts or even...oh dare I say, "Difficult," but, whatever. He's a small child. He's not quite done yet.

Like mine.