An Ode
(or Eulogy) to Flippy and Hambone on this, the day Booberry (mostly) stopped
nursing
(in the
style of BS Poetry 101)
O Flippy
(right) and Hambone (sinister),
How I
will(willnot) miss how you double-boobedly kept Booberry alive for a year.
Roll
after
roll
after
rolling rolly roll
Of baby
fat.
All
because of you…
To
Hambone, the dominant:
Sure,
you took the mastitis hit, but you came back stronger, too strong. (Way too strong, actually. Fill a baby’s ear strong. Hit Doctor Dada from across the room
strong. Hence, living up to your
namesake.)
To
Flippy, the overactive:
You
never let ME down. (BF joke, LOL. Hashtagboobies)
To thee
I bid adieu.
True, you
haven’t traveled far. Just southward of
your original home
…Slouching toward the ground.
But I
thank you. Booberry thanks you.
While
you can no longer fly free in a summer breeze, your nursing cover ripped off in
valiant passion by Booberry, I will always remember our times spent making
strangers and male friends uncomfortable.
We’ll
always have Value Village.
(“DAT” she cried, freeing Hambone from his sports
bra in front of some dude in an employee vest).
Enjoy
your quiet time out of the public eye.
Convalesce
in a non-nursing bra.
Sleep
through the night, my friends.
As I
said to my OB, “Let’s do this again sometime.”
