Beware the ides of March.
March 15, 2014 was my due date and not the day my Booberry was
born. I shudder to look at the picture
of me taken on this day, way overflowing with life and so deeply uncomfortable
in my own super stretched skin. But
looking back on the day got me reflecting on all the little things in my small
world that I’ve learned this year.
1.
Dresses
are stupid for babies who are too little to crawl, and also for those who can
crawl. When they can’t crawl, they’re
too squishy to look good in the dresses and, when they can, they get pissed off
by tripping on the dress.
2.
You will still buy and receive and dress your
baby girl in ONE MILLION DRESSES.
Because they are the cutest.
3.
You will get embarrassed/proud when people
complement your baby’s accomplishments and beauty
4.
You do not know how to respond when people tell
you how much your baby looks like you.
It’s awkward.
5.
Baby girls can pee on you during a diaper
change, too. GENDER EQUALITY, PEOPLE!
6.
Your PJ pants are for at home. Sweat pants are pharmacy acceptable. Yoga pants are for almost everywhere. Jeans are for social events. Clean jeans are for meeting new people or
childless friends. Well-fitting jeans
are cause for a night on the town.
7.
You will own a special pair of “nice yoga pants”
which are for fancy times.
8.
All shoes must be slip on. Or at least slip off. Slippers are good, too.
9.
The swing is God…until she outgrows it…
10.
If you name it, you can say you sleep trained
your kid. “I used the ____ method.”
11.
Your baby’s throw up is not a big deal. Someone else’s baby’s throw up is just as
gross as all throw up used to be.
12.
You maybe have eaten after changing a poop
diaper and only using hand sanitizer, not hand washing. And by maybe, I mean many, many times.
13.
Somedays you won’t care AT ALL about getting
your “body back” (where’d it go?) and some days you will cry while getting
dressed.
14.
All your clothes will have weird stains. Always.
And if they miraculously don’t, you have something in your hair anyway
and you don’t even know what it is…and, best case scenario, it’s scrambled
egg.
15.
You get small pleasure out of telling your
childless friends “don’t google mucus plug” knowing that they will.
16.
You can never have too many zippy pjs. Footless for walkers.
17.
You didn’t think it was possible to love your
pets less than your baby but you do and you feel guilty.
18.
You didn’t think it was possible to love your
baby more than your husband but you do and he knows it and both of you are cool
with it and still love each other plenty.
19.
You cannot prevent her from attempting to kill
herself and you cannot always catch her before she whacks her head on a chair
leg and you have to be okay with that…but you hate yourself every time.
20.
There will be a day where you see your little
squish walking in the living room, playing independently, chatting to herself
and you will see a person, not a blob of a baby. And you will be terrified of this person who
lives in your house and all the ways you can screw her up and let her
fall. How big is baby? SO BIG! How’d that happen so fast?
Happy Birthday, Baby Booberry!
